13/11/25 Coach House Inspired-How to Grow Your Self Esteem Blog.
How to Build Good Self Esteem, using Nathaniel Browns ‘Six Pillars of Self Esteem’ and my own personal and professional Experiences.
1.Learn to Accept and Embrace yourself for all that you are- Becoming less negatively judgemental for mistakes.
We tend to focus so much on our mistakes and misgivings, we forget that there are positives to us as well. When I find myself wide awake at 3 in the morning thinking of what I could have said or done better, I try to reframe it and tell myself, I was doing the best I could with the tools I had at that time. Understanding that I may not have got that right, but I would never do it that way again and I forgive myself for getting it wrong, accepting that I make mistakes and needed to learn. If someone else was hurt by my actions and I feel I can never undo that, I project love to them from afar and apologise in my thoughts. I back that up by being proactive in not repeating the mistake with others as best I can. I accept I may have lost that relationship and that is the painful lesson that I must accept and learn.
2.Self Responsibility- taking full responsibility of myself, my actions, my thoughts and my Feelings.
Everyone makes mistakes in life, Whether that’s staying longer than we should in a relationship, giving all our money to someone we trusted or hurt someone with something we said or done.
My thoughts around this are, if we can focus and reflect on our own part in any situation, we can then see the area for growth. What did I do, what did I say and what was I feeling?
A personal example here. When I feel I have been wronged, I look at what I could have done to improve things. In a relationship, could I have spoken up sooner, with more respect, from a vulnerable place rather than a defensive place. Could I have left the situation when it first started. The lis goes on.
By doing this, I find it gives me the power back, I determine my fate. It isn’t in the hands of another. So the quicker I can stop feeling like im a victim of someone, the quicker I feel responsible for the outcome and take action.
2.Be More Self Affirming- by speaking honestly, in a respectful manner about your desires, needs and expectations. Having healthy boundaries.
Being honest and open can sometimes be difficult, especially if it is asking for help, ‘saying no,’ to somebodies’ request, disagreeing with another’s opinion or requesting somebody fulfils their responsibilities when they haven’t.
But this is a major step toward living life from a more authentic place. Continual ‘people pleasing, can lead to resentment and negative complaining behind peoples backs or build up as a stressor and then angry outbursts occur or unwanted feelings of anxiety, guilt and overwhelm.
By setting healthy boundaries and being consistent in enforcing them can ensure everyone knows which lines not to cross and what is expected from them.
An example of this is, when I bite my tongue about a behaviour that is challenging to me, such as always talking to me with a sharp attitude.
When I don’t say, it’s usually, because I don’t want to cause an argument. I want a quiet day.
The outcome can be, I find I start to feel resentful about the way I am being treated and this builds to an anxiety and overthinking. I can even go to thinking they dislike me or disrespect me. Even though I haven’t addressed it yet. In my head, ‘I have’. The quicker I catch myself the better. I can then talk to the person concerned, without feeling any animosity to them. Telling them how I feel and giving them a chance to notice and address it. It maybe a bad time for them and they didn’t even realise.
I find once I’ve had those conversations, I feel much better.
3.Mindful Living- Being in the present moment, not allowing yourself to wallow in past or be too far in the future.
Staying fully aware of your thoughts, feelings and actions will help to be more proactive. Making choices that align with your values and principles.
E.G- Some days I daydream! I am living my best life, in a far away hot country, doing yoga every day and meditating with the monks. With a pocket full of money to spend on ‘Stuff’. Eating junk and staying healthy, without effort. Now whilst this is a lovely thought. The reality is, I live in the UK, I have a business and family that I love and support. I eat mindfully and exercise regularly to sty fit and healthy. I enjoy working and in fact. I recognise, Maybe some self-care is needed, me time or a holiday.
So, when I find myself longing for a life that I don’t have, I bring myself back to the here and now. Find 3 things I am grateful for and ground myself in the moment. By finding 5 things to touch, 4 things to see, 3 things to hear, 2 things to feel and 1 thing to taste. Then attempt to do something for myself that I know will help to improve my self Esteem. Learn something new, read a book, have a hot tub, Go walking, Lift some weights, eat some healthy food. Something that aligns with my Principles and values.
4.Personal Integrity- To be trustworthy for yourself and others.
Living life by standards that align with your own believes, principles and values. To a standard that you feel is the best at any given time. Whilst striving to be whole.
5.Self-Actualisation
For me this means, living life being open about my vulnerabilities, strengths and weaknesses, valuing my feelings and the feelings of others, taking full responsibility for my Body and Mind, including physical Health and mental health, personal growth, my Thoughts and my understanding or misunderstandings.
Respecting its ok to live life different from others and that they to can choose a different life from me. Valuing all living beings and their place on this planet, from the tiniest insect to the great giants of the sea. Living a grateful existence, sharing my knowledge where its wanted or needed, helping others in their endeavours, spreading good will and love. Learning something new to ensure I improve. Setting goals and taking actions day by day to achieve them.
A final word, if you could do with working on your self-Esteem, Start anywhere, Make a list of things you love to do, enjoy or want to achieve and just start to do one of them. Whatever it is.
The minute you start work on you, you’ll start to focus on you….You will start to actualise and Self-Esteem will be in a growth state!!!
Your fate lies in the control you choose to take over your own thoughts !!!
